A new beginning???

As I laid beside you last night I dreamt

dreamt that everything will be ok, that we will be ok and everything will be jolly

Then I wake up to the reality that you will be leaving soon....

walking out my front door, yet again

waving goodbye as the elevator door closes

I don't know what to feel

it all seems a little surreal, we've been here before

time and time again

Got dressed and sat on my lanai for a little while, trying to comprehend

what now? is this really it?

when will I see you again? Will I ever see you again?

It seemed that there was no ending, or no conclusion in our conversation the other night

just random suggestions and no decision, it seems

but I guess maybe thats how its supposed to be

I keep making mistakes and I did again, not minding my own business this morning....Sorry

sorry is never enough,

this whole emotional thing is just driving me out of whack

but its like you can't live without it yet living with it, has not been easy

like I think some time off is a good thing but yet, I don't know if I can do it

You asked me why didn't I make a wish for my birthday,

I stopped wishing a long time ago, or maybe its more like

I do wish, but I just don't believe in it

perhaps it's my lack of believe that makes them not come true

I feel so empty that even tears can't come anymore
Just sitting here in a daze realizing that my shirt is on inside-out
perhaps inside-out shirts do not mean good luck, but is merely a reflection of how I am inside

I stare at the picture on the wall that you drew, still smell you on the pillow

I'm not sure if these are comforts or a reminder of your absence
Thank you for the most wonderful birthday, thank you for being there